Backstage Crack

Having always dreamed about getting backstage passes to a rock concert, when my brother-in-law told me I could volunteer with him to help out at a music festival, I jumped at the chance.

It started out even better than I had hoped – free t-shirt, free beer and a pass to wear round my neck to make me feel special! Then we hung out with one of the local bands who I had heard about a lot before but never seen play before. Our main job was to guard the media/VIP entrance – and the instructions were simple, if they’re media and/or photographers – let them in! They wanted lots of publicity about the event cos it was the first of 5 nights of shows. Eventually a massive crowd of foreign guys came through, shaking our hands and being really polite, followed by a tiny little meek-looking Chinese girl. “Who were they?” “That’s the guys from Soundtrack of our Lives” – the biggest band playing at the festival and all the way from Sweden. And the little Chinese girl? – Their translator.

The female singer from the local band I’d been wanting to see was a cute little tomboy in a bright red dress and long white necktie. With short hair, shaved on one side, she really did look like a tough punk chick, but as soon as she opened her mouth, she was just a really sweet chick. I was worried though, her voice seemed to be a bit croaky. As soon as they took to the stage, I realised I needn’t have worried, instead of the poppy-punk music I was hoping for, it was more like thrash metal – way too heavy for my taste – and now I understood why the singer’s voice was so croaky.

The last band was a foreign band, “Rock Hard Power Spray” and I ducked backstage to watch from the sidelines. After so many years of dreaming about being backstage, I was saddened to find the only extra view I got was the 5cm of butt crack displayed above the clearly-visible underwear on the guitarist. Nice.

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